Defining Success for Ourselves
I want to be successful. When I say that aloud…or write it for the whole world to see, I start to feel a little nauseous. It seems to have such a negative connotation for me. But it is the truth – I do want to be successful…just not in the way I think we typically think of success. And, therein lies the rub. Defining success. My mini-Webster’s defines success as 1) a favorable result. So far, so good. Yep. I’m all for favorable results. The second definition is where I get tripped up – the gaining of wealth, fame, etc. Not that I don’t want a bit of wealth and a bit of fame, but the idea that “success” is primarily viewed as this second definition. And because this bothers me so much (like when my sister sniped at me while we were struggling with our parents’ estate – “you just want to be rich!” – oh, yuck!), I’ve been doing some soul searching…yes, I do want to be successful…but what does that MEAN? One of the most complete definitions for me is: success is loving being myself. Particularly after a lifetime of self-doubt and recrimination, loving being me, with all my flaws, being able to rejoice in who I am, really is success. I’m wondering how other people are looking at success nowadays…
There were some interesting posts at: http://www.linkedin.com/answers/career-education/mentoring/CAR_MEN/77541-3243289 if you’re curious or want some “priming of the pump.”
If the majority of people really took a look at what success meant to them would more of us feel successful? And if more of us felt successful, how might our world change? Having looked at my own "redefinition of success" I know I feel more successful and much of my world seems to be responding to the shift. I like it!
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Not ready to go "gently in to that good night?" Me neither! We have too much to offer the world to go into hiding! And every day offers new opportunities to come out of hiding and shine our lights.
Being successful seems to have two components – setting a goal or target that will stretch or challenge us and the feeling that comes from achieving it. My sense it that when I set my goal from the perspective of my “big” self, that expansive, Spirit-aligned part of me, the entire process enhances my sense of success. It sets the stage for self-discovery as I explore how the various parts of me can be used in service of the goal. If I’ve chosen an appropriate goal, then the achievement of that goal allows me to luxuriate in the sense of increased capacity. I suspect this is what you mean by ‘loving being you’.
Thanks, Neysa. Yes, the stretching and self-discovery are certainly two aspects of what I consider success, however, for me, this redefinition is even more basic. It’s loving being me, even when I am afraid to stretch or even to set a goal. Somehow loving being a frightened person frees something up in me…I guess it’s that I’m no longer judging myself as bad or pathetic, so I might be more willing to stretch or set a goal. I DO love the heart of this being who wants so much to do things perfectly, and because she can’t do much perfectly, frequently doesn’t “go for it!” Maybe loving being me is being compassionate with myself and appreciating the courage it takes to keep moving…even if it’s at a slower-than-snail’s-pace. Maybe loving being me is appreciating that my heart has hope…