My dear friend, Nina, reminded me this morning that it is our authenticity and willingness to be vulnerable that is the most appealing and, indeed, the most valuable to those around us. Although our egos would prefer that we look good, it’s the not looking so great that touches people and gives them the permission to be more vulnerable themselves. And that may set them free.

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This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~ Rumi ~

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Had a great day today!   WHOO HOOOOO!    I delivered a presentation to a new group of people…not people who would typically be “my people.”  Oh, the mistakes I made!!  Some really big blunders like misreading the audience and the energy level I “should” have delivered from.  But the point was I stepped out of my comfort zone,  did the presentation and for the most part,  HAD FUN!  Using what I’ve learned through Speaking Circles, I felt a wonderful connection with some of the people in the group.  I felt like I was very much myself – and some liked that, others didn’t and I realized (after some licking of my wounds) that was okay.   I got some great feedback, including a couple of “ouches” that gave me great information for ways to improve.  What a win!!

Perhaps the biggest win is that I did so much wrong and still had a good time being myself, sharing some of what I love and am learning about embracing change.  I have a lot of room for improvement and I did okay (most of the feedback was positive).

Most importantly, I did my “job.”  I sparkled.  I couldn’t help it!   Not everyone liked it or got it – and the ones who did, did.  How perfect is that?  This day has been a huge win and miracle.  I feel like I’m saying ‘yes’ to life in a big way.  I love it!  This is what I want to share with other women – saying ‘yes’ to life!

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The world is changing; the energies are shifting; there’s a sense of instability. Doesn’t it feel like we’re going to have to learn to do things differently? Learn new ways to ride the changes through, new personal “rules” to help support us.
And right now, I don’t think most of us yet know what the new rules will be. So, at tleast our own personal rules should be ones that work for us.

If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun. – Katharine Hepburn

Watch your language:
It’s interesting to recognize that the language we can reflect our inner ties that bind…if you are using “have to,” “can’t,” or “should,” be mindful of the origin of the belief you hold about the situation. These three phrases indicate a sense of powerlessness. We can look for new, more supportive perspectives. Isn’t that great? What a great opportunity!

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Holding on to shame, continuing to harbor negative feelings about our sense of shame, severely limits us from being who we’ve been created to be – we don’t feel great about ourselves because we’re ashamed, feel less than, having to hide something; we aren’t as open as we’d like to be, particularly if we’re seeking authenticity, which so many of us are today.

What kinds of things do women feel shame about?

Well, there are the “big” things lying, cheating, stealing (…oh, Lord, I hate to admit it, I’ve done all of those things at one time or another). The things we did do and the things we didn’t do. And the other things we wouldn’t particularly want our neighbors or colleagues to know about us.

Where does your body hold shame?

Often shame lodges in the belly and/or solar plexus. Begin to notice where you feel your body reacting to the shame you feel about a shame-inducing incident. It feels to me like I’m pulling in, hiding, covering myself.

Go kinda easy on yourself

One of the gifts I’m receiving is an opportunity to heal huge amounts of shame I’ve held on to for years, as well as the more recent stuff. Although some of it feels pretty crappy, there is also space and a peace, particularly as I can open up and let God into those dark and lonely places. I am so grateful that I can see the benefits of this process – as it’s pretty foul stuff that’s coming up. This is what I’ve been asking for…to be clean and used by God. Wouldn’t it be great to appreciate more of our process/journey? Hopefully, more and more with time – I guess this is part of the process, too! It’s not an easy process, but I can feel it will be well worth it.

INQUIRY:

How would your life be more fulfilling with less shame?

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The definition of a “Toleration” is anything that you are putting up with. Tolerations distract our attention; eg. “I really need to fix that…” and siphon our energy.

Today I was presented with an opportunity to clean up something that was, in the grand scheme, not a huge deal, but in the short term was eating at me.  I’d not been completely honest about a situation and knew that if I kept silent, it would bite me down the road.  So despite the intense dread, I made a couple of phone calls, left barely coherent messages, got the return calls and set the record straight.  Not pleasant.  Will have to live with some repercussions, but feel a lot better and was actually commended for the courage it took to make the calls.  I’d like to think that this was such a great lesson that I’ll do better from now on, but as I keep growing and trying to clean my heart and soul to be a clearer reflection of the Divine, I imagine there’ll always be more and more subtle cleaning that takes place.  I hope I learn to love this!!

Always do what you are afraid to do.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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“No one of us has escaped a special plan. And everyone of us is inspired in particular ways, with particular talents.” Author unknown, Each Day a New Beginning

There comes a time for many of us when our life feels like that darkened room. We’ve followed the beaten path, the familiar path, but now some inner nudging is urging us to move on to a new road. We do have choices: we can keep following the well-worn path or blaze our own new one. One we can clearly discern; the other, barely, if ever, trodden. But what choices! Robert Frost wrote in The Road not Taken,

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth…

…I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

For some of us, it’s time to take a new road, perhaps a path that has not yet been blazed, yet is our path. And one we must take for our own growth, perhaps our own sanity. Maybe inner guidance is saying “This way. This way.” But as we look down, there’s no trail in front of us. No clear path to follow. Our inner guidance lets us know, the clear-cut path is not for us…we’ve passed the point of no return. We’re having to forge ahead, perhaps slowing our pace to an excruciatingly slow crawl, feeling along every millimeter, trying to find our openings. As we muddle along, learning to hear our guidance more clearly and feel for those openings more gracefully, our hearts begin to remember their purpose and say “yes.” And as that happens, our way is made lighter and more joyous. Given our world today, it is especially important that we each recognize and work at fulfilling our “special plan.” Each day, take a step along your path, even if it is a tiny one. If you need help, ask for it. Be in communication with your inner guidance – listen and heed its advice. When your heart says “yes” – move with it! It knows the way home.

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Slow and steady wins the race.

Many years ago, during her aerobics heyday, Jane Fonda offered an aerobics class at a local community college.  I was attending aerobics classes regularly, so I thought this was no big deal.  The class lasted about 90 minutes, but it really was more strenuous than the classes I’d been accustomed to – and of course, not wanting to “wimp out” I tried to keep up with all the other people in the class.    By the time I left the auditorium and began walking down the hill to my car, I knew I’d done too much.  I couldn’t stretch enough.  The next day I could barely walk.  My lunch-time run lasted about a block.  It was nearly a week before I felt loose enough to resume taking my dance classes.  I still laugh at the memory of doddering down the hill after that class with Ms. Fonda, but it’s a helpful reminder to strive towards my goal, but continue to recognize when I’m starting to tighten up…what’s the wisest course of action at THIS point?

If you have to start taking baby steps to reach your goal, so what?  Just keep asking if this particular action is moving towards your goal.  Does it feel like a good step, even if it isn’t a huge leap?  If it brings you closer to who you want to be or where you want to be, trust it’s a good step, take it, and feel for what’s next.   We’ll get there!

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As you become more aware of your “yeah, buts” you can counteract them…by using another “yeah, but…” Think of a situation you’d like to experience – for example, you want to start an interior design business and you’re distracted by a “yeah, but I’m not sure I could make it.” You can turn a yeah, but to your advantage, with “Yeah, but I’m really enthused by working in interior design.” By using another “yeah, but…” it seems to lessen the strength of the first distracting “yeah, but.”

“Yeah, buts” happen. If they’re part of your vocabulary, learn to use ‘em to your advantage.

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I’m going to hazard a guess. If your life lacks passion and juice, it’s probably because you’re playing it safe, living in your comfort zone, even if it’s not pleasant. Remember that old saying, better the devil you know than the devil you don’t? We go around thinking, oh, this isn’t great, but “out there” could be worse! So, if you really do want to enjoy your life more, you’re likely going to have to get out of what you perceive as your comfy little world. You have to ask yourself: How comfortable is my comfort zone, really? It may feel safe at one level, but, if you go a little deeper or look from a broader perspective, is your comfort zone really healthfully comfortable? Comfort is great for shoes and waistbands, not so much for the evolution and growth of the soul.

So, we have a choice to stay “safe” or to venture out from our comfort zone. If we choose to venture out, we’re bound to meet resistance early on. In her book, Fearless Living, Rhonda Britten wrote, “Fear is the gatekeeper of your comfort zone.” Fear is going to try to talk you out of leaving your nice, cozy little box, reminding you of all the dangers you’ll face: the missteps, the disapproval, the uncertainty, the discomfort, etc. And some of those may actually happen. We just have to go back to what we want more – perceived comfort or living with more passion.

Do you say “yes” to more passion, more joy in your life? Is there a little part of you wanting to rock the boat a bit? To make some waves? To take a stand for yourself?

Where do you want to start? Where do you feel like the comfort zone just isn’t working any more? Let’s go out and rouse our own rabble! We deserve it!

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