As we are learning how to stretch ourselves beyond the comfort zone, and can step more solidly into our callings, we will experience periods of doubt and fear, as well as the joy of breakthroughs. Fear and doubt will likely warn us of the danger of crossing into the unknown, the dangerous new territory. They may whisper; they may grab you and demand you listen; they may scream so loudly that the noise seems unbearable. They aren’t evil, they’re just trying to keep you safe. They just haven’t recognized that the boundaries of ‘safe’ have changed. It will be our job to remind them.

In order to keep reminding fear and doubt that the playing field has changed, we’ll need to keep encouraging ourselves. It’s wise to remember how courageous we are being, we are moving mountains, even if the mountains may seem tiny. It is important to celebrate all of our wins, to have a few trusted others to celebrate our wins with us. It’s wise to choose others who can support us and encourage our tiny steps. Sometimes those closest to us are not those people. (Darn!)

When we are changing our ways, we will be shifting the status quo, rocking the boat. This will make some people very uncomfortable, particularly those closest to us, since they’re nearest to the epicenter of our change. Even if they want the best for us, our movement will cause a ripple in their lives, too. And not everyone will be enthused about having their own world made unsteady. We’re funny creatures. In our dreams, we want to change and grow, but in the ‘real world’ change isn’t always so welcome. If we change, we unsettle others’ beliefs about us, about how to relate to us, how they can behave with us and what results they can expect. They’ve gotten used to us being a certain way – they’ve developed a comfort zone in respect to us – and a change in us is going to mean a change for them. Our relationships are like a child’s mobile…when one piece is moved, the entire mobile moves. Expect a little pushback from your loved ones, and try to ride through the waves that are created.

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“However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who now do face that scene, it can be faced, and we can go on to be whole.” ~ Muriel Rukeyser

“We can expect to feel fear, even dread at some points in our lives. We will always have situations that, for a time at least, seem more than we can bear. But the clouds will lift. We are never given more than we can handle, and with each passing day we become more at ease with ourselves and all that life give us. We are learning that ‘this too shall pass.’” – Each Day a New Beginning

I used to think that if I was doing everything “right” and had all my ‘ducks in a row’ then I would not feel so uncomfortable or afraid when I took on new challenges. I thought I would lose the knots in my stomach and not have those scared voices telling me not to try such “risky” things. Alas, that’s just not the case! The fearful grumblings are still there, they just don’t carry the same weight they used to. I’m discovering that there are other parts of me that can carry the load, that are stronger now. The self doubt is not truly banished, but rather given its space to breathe, while the stronger aspects of my being are now in their leadership roles.

Our first Banish Self Doubt telecall is tomorrow evening. Check here for more information!

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The program I went on was great. Seriously. Day One went well…until I heard my husband talking to his brother who was in a nearby town, traveling with his parents from Lake Tahoe to Sothern Califonria. It was rather late in the day and I began to cringe as I realized there was every likelihood that they would be asking to stay at our place, given the time of day and the length of their trip. As I listened to their discussion, I began saying “No. No. No.” while my husband was saying, “Well, of course, you can stay here. Mom and Dad can sleep on the futon and we can get the air mattress for you.” Now don’t get me wrong, I am actually very fond of my in-laws, but I was detoxing – from SUGAR (and caffeine). I hadn’t seen my husband in four days and I really wanted some quiet time with him. And although I wasn’t experiencing cravings for sweets, I’d been a pretty cranky camper, not being able to consume my usual chocolate!

From that point on, my usually fairly compassionate nature went out the window. I was seething – about everything. It was like waking up on the really wrong side of the bed – and staying there. The in-laws only stayed one night, but the experience opened up a can of worms I wasn’t expecting to find.

I am realizing, of course, that sugar likely numbs the anger and frustration that I, trying to be loving and gracious, don’t want to deal with. And don’t really know HOW to deal with maturely. Which makes it just that much worse – I wind up being angry that at my age, I don’t know how to “do anger.” God bless all my friends who remind me that many women don’t know how to deal with anger in ways that work for them. They remind me that I’m learning this for myself, and that this is actually a GOOD thing!

All in all, I do recognize this as having a very positive, very productive aspect to it. I’m learning that dance helps, writing helps, praying helps, baths help, the dog and cat help. Supportive friends are Godsends. And, I made it through 5 days without caffeine or sugar! That is worth celebrating!

I’ve actually learned so much this week! Another layer has been removed and I get to go deeper in my personal and spiritual growth. This is what I ask for.

If, by chance, you do want to try a sugar detox, by all means, do. (take a peek at http://yourhealthpotential.com – Shanna is great!)  Just make sure you can give yourself the space and gentleness you need. And, seriously, think twice before you let unexpected guests (whoever or whatever they may be)  encroach on that space you need!

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Had a great day today!   WHOO HOOOOO!    I delivered a presentation to a new group of people…not people who would typically be “my people.”  Oh, the mistakes I made!!  Some really big blunders like misreading the audience and the energy level I “should” have delivered from.  But the point was I stepped out of my comfort zone,  did the presentation and for the most part,  HAD FUN!  Using what I’ve learned through Speaking Circles, I felt a wonderful connection with some of the people in the group.  I felt like I was very much myself – and some liked that, others didn’t and I realized (after some licking of my wounds) that was okay.   I got some great feedback, including a couple of “ouches” that gave me great information for ways to improve.  What a win!!

Perhaps the biggest win is that I did so much wrong and still had a good time being myself, sharing some of what I love and am learning about embracing change.  I have a lot of room for improvement and I did okay (most of the feedback was positive).

Most importantly, I did my “job.”  I sparkled.  I couldn’t help it!   Not everyone liked it or got it – and the ones who did, did.  How perfect is that?  This day has been a huge win and miracle.  I feel like I’m saying ‘yes’ to life in a big way.  I love it!  This is what I want to share with other women – saying ‘yes’ to life!

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What kinds of things would you be willing to do for your friends? Especially on their “big day”? Dancing down the aisle would be a no-brainer for me…of course I’d do it, but what if their request really was out of my comfort zone??

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Saying ‘yes’ to guidance

Last night I received an inner urging to go cut some roses and give them to the lovely Russian grandmother who lives across the street and always admires my roses.  This multi-generational family moved in a few years ago and last year the grandparents bought the home next door to the younger generations’ home.  They have worked day and night renovating the place…very hard-working people.  They have seemed to be very nice people, but I have not made a huge effort to befriend them.  Truthfully, I did not even know all their names.  So, offering the roses seemed a little way to be more neighborly.   When I crossed the street with the roses, the daughter was out in front and told me it was her mother’s birthday and she would love the roses!  Their front  door was open and when I called out to them, both of them came to the door and greeted me warmly.  As I was ushered in to the kitchen, I saw two dozen perfect, beautiful florist’s roses.  When I laughingly said she didn’t need my imperfect little bouquet, both of them replied that mine were “special.”   They proudly showed me around their home, all the improvements they had made, which were really lovely.  Our conversation was somewhat awkward, with their halting English and my almost non-existent Russian, but the connection was heartfelt and delightful.  It was such a blessing to have followed the guidance I’d received and to have made such a warm connection to my neighbors.

I often pray that I will get such clear and followable guidance.  I think perhaps I do get such guidance more often than I think, but that I don’t listen or don’t WANT to listen and follow through, for whatever reason.  After such a wonderful experience, I may change the prayer:  that I may hear and say ‘yes’ much more often!

INQUIRY

What is your experience with following guidance – or not listening?  Do good experiences make you want to say ‘yes’ more often?

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